The Sun Always Rises

If you know me, then you know that I have been suffering from emetophobia since I was a child. 

In high school, on a cruise with my family, both of my brothers came down with the stomach flu. I befriended another girl on the ship just so that I could spend a few nights sleeping over in her cabin to avoid my germ-infested sleeping quarters. In college, I would move out of my sorority house if anyone in my hallway came down with a stomach bug, and post-drinking pukers knew that I was happy to go out to buy them Gatorade or soda crackers, but holding their hair back was never going to happen. Even when I taught elementary school, my students were warned of my "no vomit policy" and somehow, every single student obliged.

As for me, I made it through all of my college years and my three pregnancies without ever breaking my vomit-free streak. I'm pretty sure I even have Jerry Seinfeld beat. The few times I've actually come down with a stomach virus, I have successfully performed a series of breathing exercises that suppressed my queasiness enough to keep my streak alive.

You are probably wondering how on earth I handle the situation if my kids ever get sick. Well, thanks to my amazing husband, in the nine and a half years that I have been a parent, I have completely avoided taking care of my kids when they vomit. Derek has always handled the back-rubbing and the hair holding while I sit on the sidelines offering moral support in the form of hydration, garbage bags, and an occasional load of laundry.

When I learned of Derek's cancer and knew his immune system would be compromised by his chemo treatments, I begged my mother to promise me that even if it was the middle of the night, she would come to my rescue to take care of my sick children so that I could be left to cower in the corner. 

Last night, at 11:30 pm, I was forced to face one of my greatest fears when my little one began vomiting all throughout the night. Somehow, I did it all. The back-rubbing, the hair holding, the carpet cleaning and every load of laundry. I did not call my mother. I did not cower in the corner. I did what I needed to do. This time, Derek stayed on the sidelines for moral support, and even when my emotions got the best of me at the thought of doing this completely on my own, I pulled it together and handled it. 

So, why write a blog post all about my emetophobia? To start, it proved to me that I can do things on my own that I would ordinarily defer to my husband. It also forced me to face one of my greatest fears, which gave me the strength and courage that I will need to face my fears again. And while it was a very long night, I kept telling myself that I would get through it. These things don't last forever. Even when they are scary and sometimes sad, just like night, they will always come to an end. 

This morning, when dawn broke and my little girl came bouncing back to her sweet, happy self, I was reminded that the sun always rises, light always follows darkness, and we can get through anything. No matter what.

New Normal

Derek made it through Round 2 of chemotherapy with greater ease than his first round. Thankfully, his nausea was better controlled, allowing him to continue eating throughout his treatment. In fact, Derek not only completed his second round of chemo this week...he also completed the Holy Trinity tour of fast food restaurants. Having lost nine pounds in under a week during his first round, his doctors urged him to find ways to put weight back on. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and I am happy to report that Derek regained almost all of his weight after indulging in McDonald's cheeseburgers, Wendy's singles, and the Burger King Whopper! 

This past month, we have begun to adapt to our new normal. Certainly, there has been an abundance of doctors' appointments, medication doses and side effects to navigate, but there have also been treasured moments for us to embrace. Derek has had many days at home allowing him to see our kids off to school and even share lunch a few times with our three-year-old daughter. I believe that all of the moments he is collecting at home with our children provide him with the motivation he needs to fight and beat this dreadful disease.

While I would be lying if I said that this is not a frightening experience, at the same time, it has been incredible. To be surrounded by our family and so many friends who will do whatever it takes to support us during this time is amazing. We are still blown away by the support at the Michael's event last week and continue laughing at the many Wax Off Pancreatic Cancer videos created by Derek's friends, especially this creative twist:

We have also been overwhelmed by the donations generated by Team BigDFaust and all of the supporters who will be walking and running in the Rolfe Foundation Dash for Detection on April 17th. Our team organizers are still looking for more participants in the 5k run/walk and will be coordinating transportation to the event. You can access our team link here and "Early Bird" registration at a reduced fee ends on February 12th. Even if you are not able to make the event, please consider making a donation in support of Derek on the team page. Questions about the Dash for Detection can be sent to Matt (mfield75@gmail.com), Stephanie (stephaniefick@gmail.com), or Michael (michaelspector@yahoo.com).

Thank you again and again for all of the love and positive vibes being sent our way. We welcome anyone to join our text group by texting @bigdfaust to 81010 on your mobile device. This is a great way to stay informed about how Derek is doing, while giving everyone an opportunity to send personal messages of love and support directly to Derek. 

Our fingers are crossed that Derek is not hit too hard with side effects this weekend. Thanks for keeping us in your thoughts and wishing us a nice, "normal" week ahead. 

Gratitude

Thanks to Susie, Gayle, Barbara, Nancy, Jen and Flynn!

Tonight, hundreds of friends, family members, colleagues, and community members dined out at Michael's Red Hots in Highland Park to show their support for Derek and our family while raising money for Pancreatic Cancer Research. Derek and I were overwhelmed as we read the texts, emails and Facebook posts that streamed through our phones tonight describing the incredible turnout at Michael's. We want to thank our loving family members, cousins Susie and Jen along with our aunts Nancy, Barbara, and Gayle, for taking the initiative to organize tonight's event. The donations collected by our family alone totaled $4,415! We also want to thank Michael's for generously contributing a portion of the proceeds from their sales this evening to Pancreatic Cancer Research.

While we deeply appreciate every single person who braved the cold weather to come to Michael's to show their support for Derek and our family, we would be remiss if we did not mention how honored we are to be a part of this fundraising effort. Our community truly made a difference tonight. Every single dollar raised could lead to better outcomes for pancreatic cancer patients. We are humbled by the generosity so many have shown and feel immense gratitude for every ounce of hope and positivity being sent our way.

Right now, fear and worry take a backseat to love and support. A night like tonight reminds us to cherish our family and friends who have helped us accept this adventure and embrace the ride. We are overflowing with love, gratitude, and appreciation for everyone who has opened their hearts up to our family. All of the thank-you's in the world will never be enough.

First Day of Chemo

Derek's first day of chemotherapy is officially in the books. He spent today receiving an infusion of Folfirinox, a combination of four chemotherapy agents. As he goes through his chemo cycles, the first day of the chemo regimen will always take place at the hospital as outpatient treatment where he will receive two of the chemo agents. Once the first two agents have been infused, Derek will receive a 46-hour infusion at home, delivered through a pump connected directly to his port. On Day 3, he will return to the hospital so that his pump can be removed. This treatment will be repeated every two weeks for several months.

Derek already got hit with some side effects today. He has experienced stomach cramps, nausea, neuropathy (tingling in his hands) and fatigue. Tonight, thanks to some heavy anti-nausea medications, Derek is able to sleep and stay comfortable. While the side effects certainly make the journey more difficult to bear, we believe that each side effect signifies that the chemo is doing its job to attack his tumor. As we continue down this road, we will focus on the goal of this treatment plan which is to shrink the tumor to get Derek to surgery. This obviously won't be easy, but we believe it is possible!

Thank you for keeping Derek in your thoughts and prayers and for the few dedicated friends who have actually waxed their chests in support of Derek and pancreatic cancer research. Check out the video below created by one of Derek's best friends in the Wax Off Pancreatic Cancer movement. Let's keep it going.

Those Purple Wristbands

(Yiddish) "Ahz mir tracht goot, vet zein goot."

(Translation) "If you think it is good, it is good." -Auntie Rivian

Derek and I have been blown away by the response to the purple wristbands that my aunt, Nancy, ordered for us to share. What began as a simple way for our family and friends to show support for Derek has grown into a fundraising opportunity for pancreatic cancer research that we are proud to endorse. Increased funds toward pancreatic cancer research will make a difference in the treatment options of patients just like Derek, and together, we believe that our community will make a difference in the future of this disease. We hope many of our local friends will join us at Michael's Hot Dogs in Highland Park on January 19th where a portion of the evening's proceeds will be donated to the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network (PanCAN) and the Rolfe Pancreatic Cancer Foundation (Rolfe Foundation). Special thanks to our cousin Susie and aunts Nancy, Barbara, and Gayle for helping coordinate this event.

It's funny how something so small can signify something so big. Those purple wristbands stand for much more than our love for Derek and our goal of increasing the pancreatic cancer survival rate; they symbolize a shared hope that Derek can win this fight! Earlier this week, our visit with Dr. K left us feeling overwhelmed and afraid, but slowly, as we began putting one foot in front of the other, we reclaimed our belief that Derek will beat this disease. As my brother, Jeff, reminded me the other night: "Someone has to beat the odds. So, why not Derek?"

Today, Derek received his port so that chemo can begin on Tuesday. We will try to post an update next week to keep everyone informed of his treatment. Don't forget to join our text group to send good vibes to Derek and receive mini updates by texting @BigDFaust to 81010. Thank you for all of your good wishes and messages of strength! Keep them coming! You make a difference!

A First Step

Taken at the U of C Medical Center

"Beauty is everywhere a very welcome guest." -Goethe

Today, our day began with this incredible piece of art hanging on a wall at the University of Chicago Medical Center. It reminded me to appreciate the beauty that surrounds us.

As we wandered the halls of the hospital, navigating our way from the pathology department to pick up Derek's biopsy slides to the office of a genetic counselor, we saw the beauty in people who stopped to ask if we needed help getting to where we needed to be. Every person we saw today was incredibly kind and helpful, and Derek instantly felt a sense of comfort as we faced the day.

Our first meeting was with a genetic counselor, who shared with us that because of a known gene mutation in one of his aunts, Derek is at an increased risk for carrying the same gene mutation of the BRCA2 gene. We learned that carriers of the BRCA2 gene are at an increased risk for pancreatic cancer along with other cancers such as breast, ovarian, and prostate. Typically, we hear of many women being tested for the BRCA1 and BRCA2 genes, but we were fascinated to learn that this gene can affect men as well. While this information will be incredibly important to the future of our three children, Derek may be eligible for certain medications if he has the gene mutation. We will find out whether or not he is a carrier for BRCA2 in about three weeks.

After our visit with the genetic counselor, we sat down with Dr. K, Derek's oncologist. Dr. K met with a tumor board earlier in the day where Derek's case was presented to a team of experts. As we know, Derek has been diagnosed with an adenocarcinoma tumor in the tail of his pancreas. What makes Derek's case particularly complicated is that his tumor is considered borderline resectable because the tumor is encasing a vessel knowns as the celiac artery. This means that surgery may never be an option for Derek.

Dr. K recommends that Derek begin an extremely agressive chemotherpy regimen in the next two weeks, and thanks to a good partnership with NorthShore Health Systems, he will be able to get his chemo closer to home. Right now, we are hopeful that the treatment will be able to shrink his tumor enough to make him a surgical candidate. In about four months, Dr. K predicts that she will be able to make that determination.

Derek and I will likely travel to some of the nation's top cancer centers that specialize in pancreas cancers for a second and third opinion, but these opinions are related to surgery. The chemo regimen is standard of care for someone with Derek's diagnosis, so we are not in a rush to leave Chicago quite yet.

We want to thank everyone for supporting our family during this time. The positive messages sent to Derek have been incredibly uplifting and will continue to be an important part of his ongoing treatment. If you have not signed up yet, please do so by texting @BigDFaust to 81010.

Finally, I want to say that as difficult as this journey will be, I still believe that it brings out the beauty in everything and everyone. Our children, parents, siblings, and extended family overwhelm us with endless love, compassion and care. Our friends lift us up with their spirit of support and encouragement on a daily, sometimes hourly, basis. Our co-workers cheer us on and remind us that fighting cancer will not define either one of us. How lucky we are to have such a beautiful life together, one that we will not take for granted for a single second.

Feel free to share our blog with others and consider making a donation to any organization that funds pancreatic cancer research.

Thank you, Angie, for this awesome t-shirt!